what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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