I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
