just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
