Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
