it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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