It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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