Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
