yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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