For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
