I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
