I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
