But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
