1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
