It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
