you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
