So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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