Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
