I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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