When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize