No stitches, just platelets and will power
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
