JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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