your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
