I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
