Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
