my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
