please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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