You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
zippers are such a cool invention
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's paint friendship bongs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
