It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize