I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
