I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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