Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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