She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
