the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
