If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
