i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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