I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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