Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
