4 words: hood of his car
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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