the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I understand Curling. That high.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
