im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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