Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So here I am, sexting at work.
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