4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
