I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
