Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
