I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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