There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This baby is an asshole
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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