morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
