the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
