This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
