I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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