dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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