Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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