btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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