What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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