You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
