Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
