Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
