I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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