my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
