Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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