First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
