Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You dont lie about slip and slides
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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