Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
