im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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