Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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