There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
