I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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