But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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