I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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