i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
