so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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