My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
