why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
