I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
