i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
