i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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