True but thats because hes a fetus.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
