All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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