I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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