Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
