They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
