she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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