i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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