she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
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If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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