Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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