i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
