I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
