Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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